The Sorrow of Mr. Sparrow

Nowadays, Mr. Sparrow, 30, has been feeling down and empty the next, no matter how many times he has tried to feel better. Sometimes there are some bursts of anger, as noticed by his family. He had a seemingly-laughable emo phase in between his high school and college years, but this sadness is different. This sadness is mixed with confusion about everything. Everything.

The last time Mr. Sparrow talked to his fiance Sam was almost 2 weeks ago. He may have been with her the past 5 years, but now he is not sure if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. He is also not sure if he still wants to stay with his own family. All the arguments, misunderstandings and trauma at home have become more overwhelming than ever. He is old enough to buy his own apartment, but he still carries those heavy feelings like he has the world on his shoulders.

The last time Mr. Sparrow was really happy about work was November last year. He is very good at coding complex systems for businesses, and nerdy as it may seem but helping people using his programs is his passion. That fire is now gone. And now he is not sure of his next career step or if he wants to stay. He is not even sure of any next step.

On some weekends, he may have went out with some friends and told them about what’s been bothering him, and they made him feel better with bar hopping, booze drinking, and board games. But after that, it’s back to square one. The sadness is back.

And it doesn’t help either that there’s an on-going war between him and the demon that keeps convincing him to end it all with a toxic needle or a flash of the blade. And believe it or not, on normal days he hates and even regrets thinking or even attempting to do something awful. But now he feels that the world is throwing a lot of garbage at him that he starts feeling like one.

From the outside, everything seems fine. But from his body down to his very core, he is tired. He is tired of everything. He is sure of what to do anymore. He is not even sure of who he is anymore. Complicated as it may seem, but that’s what depression does.

But beyond his very tired core, he is sure of one thing: he needs the people he knows and cares to just be there, no matter how difficult he becomes to them.

There is no other practical advice. Just be there.

That’s what Mr. Sparrow needs.

That’s what people like us need.

I need you.

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Ipi-nublish ni

The Deranged Writer

The Deranged Writer deals with interactive designs by day and fiction-infused realities by night. Or maybe all day. And he loves talking in the third person.

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