Our office is on renovation since last Christmas. It’s going well so far. They painted the grey wall white, added artificial grass (also signifying our office color), replaced the fugly wood with a better one, and made the pantry door unnoticeable. A new year, a new office vibe.
Today the office needs more cleaning and polishing. So, almost 96% of us are in our homes, working from home. I’m in my bed, on standby for tasks. Or so they think.
The WordPress.com app is pretty useful for me to stealth-blog my thoughts away. But lately I’m not able to do so. And today’s work-from-home seems like a blessing in disguise. And to be honest, there’s a much needed dump.
My Dispatch, my mind is not doing fine.
My life seems fine, but deep inside of me it has been chaotic. My mind has become a warzone lately. I feel terribly sad, terribly confused and then empty the next. And right now, I really don’t feel like working.
I think the kind of depression that I have in college is creeping up again. Or maybe this is something different, something… worse. I don’t know. And the worse part is that I can’t explain what’s behind the chaos. I really can’t.
“But what? Why can’t you explain it?” I have no idea. I just feel… negative. Again. And I hate this.
Maybe the signs of aging is catching up on me. Maybe my overthinking is beyond my grasp already. Maybe I just need a break from the urban stress. Or maybe think I need a total reset.
Or maybe I really do have something I have suspected for years and I am really scared of. Maybe I really do have clinical depression.
All I know is I need to fix this. I need to fix this.